286: How to Earn the Right to An Authentic Relationship

Do you find that you are always reaching out to others, but you are often time being turned down? From romantic relationships, to friendships, or business endeavors, how do you reach out to others? Whether it’s asking someone to get coffee, dinner, or simply to hang out, you could be posing the wrong questions.  

People are busy. Time is something that is not only fleeting, but something that people do not give up easily these days. We live in a selfish culture, where people are constantly thinking about themselves and their own success. It is very rare to find someone that is selfless, and willing to dedicate any time, or resources to another being. This might sound harsh- but you do it too, we all do!

On this episode of the James Swanwick show, James discusses the importance of starting new friendships off on the right foot. He argues that the traditional route of offering coffee, or dinner to someone, in exchange for advice, does not work, as time is so important these days. He points out the importance of offering something of value to the person you are seeking help or advice from, something that can help them. Stop offering coffee, and start figuring out what you can offer of value, if you truly want a real, authentic relationship with someone.

Key Points

  • To earn the right to a real relationship, you must reach out with generosity.
  • Stop believing that you are entitled to another person’s generosity.
  • Work to earn the right to an authentic relationship.
  • The way to earn an authentic relationship is by leading with generosity.
  • Everyone is walking around, thinking about themselves first and foremost.
  • Everyone is also busy, so people are selfish with their time.
  • Don’t offer coffee or lunch, offer something that actually assists that person.
  • It might sound transactional in the beginning, but then it will grow into an authentic relationship.
  • Nobody in the begining wants a relationship with you.
  • Just because you ask for help, does not mean you will receive it.
  • Don’t bust your ass to be, but bust your ass to be generous.
  • Do an experiment and try connecting with someone the way you normally do, and then try my way by offering them an offer of value.


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